Posted on Myspace.com, Monday, February 23, 2009
One Day In Parental Hell - Not the First Nor the Last!
Current mood: embarrassed
My husband & I learned not long after our son Bryson was born at the end of 2007 that we can't take him anywhere. He's the world's loudest screaming child. You know that your days of dining out with your children are over when people mutter and glare at you as you make your hasty, apologetic retreat. But here in Idaho, Bryson has stepped up his game and had us escorted out of the “child-friendly” library twice since we moved here.
Last week, Sadie proudly parcels out $10 in quarters that was a gift from her grandparents to her friends at school. We aren’t even going to discuss why that was such a big deal, other than to say that I don’t think she gained any more friends with that stunt than she scored points with her mother. So the very next day she freaks out on the school bus because she swallowed a jewel from her encrusted designer jeans. The bus driver is completely freaked out, because Sadie is freaked out and insists, sobbing, that the jewel is still stuck in her throat.
Never mind that my daughter is five and knows better than to put small inedible objects in her mouth, but to top it off, by the time I get her to the doctor’s office... Let me take this pause to note that this is the office thirty minutes from home that we have never been to before, is the ONLY pediatrician’s office in Sandpoint, that we are hoping will accept us as patients, and will treat our children for the next five long, frigid, lonely years… By the time I get her to the doctor’s office and checked in, I inspect her jeans and realize that there are no jewels missing from her fancy pants.
This is kind of where I lose it, because Sadie changes her story at this point, and says that her friend picked the jewel up off the floor because she thought it fell off of Sadie’s pants. So not only did she put the jewel in her mouth, she knew that it had been on the ground and put it in her mouth anyways, because apparently, she thought that was a good idea. “I’ve never swallowed anything that I put in my mouth like that before,” she says. So obviously, this is something she does on a regular basis. Will wonders never cease?
Even though I know from prior experience that Bryson will go ballistic if I try to pry him from the lobby toys, I go to the receptionist and ask her to cancel our appointment, because I’m not sure whether Sadie has actually swallowed anything at all at this point. Sadie is NOT a liar, but from time to time, she embellishes the truth when she’s bored and (lucky me in this situation) she LOVES going to the doctor. Sadie insists that she’s telling the truth, but I’m too miffed to care because when I called my dear husband to tell him that we’re in the waiting room and why, he asks, “Do you really think that’s necessary?”
The other two women in the waiting room, like most other people in Idaho (seriously, what is UP with that?!), are staring at me intently because they’ve been listening to my entire confrontation with Sadie on the validity of her claims and now my terse responses to the cell phone conversation. Apparently people in Sandpoint have nothing better to do. Wow, did I mention how much I love this place? I pick Bryson up, and surprisingly, he doesn’t put up a fight. And I thought Sadie was the brilliant one! In light of recent events, she'll have to accept at least a temporary demotion.
We get into the car, and Sadie gets her usual lecture. We head home and my cell rings. It’s the bus driver, and she’s called the other children’s mothers on her route to find out who gave Sadie the jewel. So now all of the other parents are involved and have grilled their children (who are now about 50 cents richer, give or take) about what Sadie put down her throat and how it got there. Sadie’s bus driver is hands down the kindest woman in the world and one can’t blame her, but I’m pretty much mortified on all fronts now.
The next day the bus driver gets off the bus and says she can't believe that Sadie’s teacher knew all about it and didn’t say anything. (Maybe the teacher's on the same page as my husband?) She made sure that won’t happen again. She gives me a hug and tells me I’m the sweetest thing. I raise my eyebrows and ask why, and she tells me that I'm doing a great job with Sadie and that she is such a sweetheart. On the way home I ask Sadie if she remembered to tell her driver that she was sorry for making her worry, and she says, “Yes, I told her ‘my mommy said to tell you that I’m sorry for making you freak all out yesterday, and I’m fine now.’” Not exactly word for word, but I guess it'll have to do. *Sigh...*
The good news is that Sadie is perfectly fine, and now I get regular reports on her excremental status. Forget digging for gold, my daughter is looking for diamonds in her poo!....
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